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About Three Things I Was Absolutely PositiveFirst, Edward Was A VampireSecond, There Was A Part Of Him And I Didn T Know How Dominant That Part Might Be That Thirsted For My BloodAnd Third, I Was Unconditionally And Irrevocably In Love With HimIn The First Book Of The Twilight Saga, Internationally Bestselling Author Stephenie Meyer Introduces Bella Swan And Edward Cullen, A Pair Of Star Crossed Lovers Whose Forbidden Relationship Ripens Against The Backdrop Of Small Town Suspicion And A Mysterious Coven Of Vampires This Is A Love Story With Bite Okay, I have to say that I picked this book up partly due to all the hype and partly because it s involved two of my favorite genres I mean, so many people had recommended it to me and I finally got sick of hearing about it, so I picked it up and read it or as least tried to.Let me first say that I am a huge romance and vampire supernatural fan, so when I first heard about the book I was really excited to read it because it combined two of my favorite genres.But, I really regret ever buying and forcing myself to finish it I hate not finishing books, even if I hate them , it was so bad Though, let me tell you that I really wanted to like it, really I did I m one of those people who likes a lot of popular things, Twilight was popular, so I figured I would love it just like everyone else, but I was very, very wrong A lot of fans wonder why I hate the book so much and here is my list and it s a pretty long one, so get ready 1 Lack of characterization Bella Okay I absolutely hated this girl She was the worst female protagonist I have ever read about She s stupid, shallow, selfish and just plain annoying Not to mention she s pathetically dependent on Edward I mean, come on, NO girl should be that dependent on a boy, not only is that pathetic, but it is very unhealthy She was also a clumsy little damsel in distress who was dumb enough to get herself into situations that she couldn t get out of I would have loved for Meyer to have given her a backbone, so she could have done something useful instead of whining and doing stupid, idiotic things that no remotely intelligent teenage girl would actually do Not to mention the fact that she is apparently very plain looking if that s the case then why are there several guys fawning over her And, according to Meyer, one of them is a teacher um, ew Bella is a Mary Sue, simple as that And I hate Mary Sues.Edward Okay, this boy is just way too possessive and stalkerish it is not romantic of him to sneak into Bella s room and watch her sleep It s creepy and wrong Oh, and bad boys usually don t sit there and say I m dangerous, stay away etc all the time I also hated the fact that Bella described some part of his body every other page It was completely UNNECESSARY Okay, we get the fact that he s hot, Bella now MOVE ON I could go on and on about all the characters every single one of them was a flat, cardboard cut out that did not seem realistic at all.2 Writing style Purple Prose Ew to this seriously, all the purple prose made me want to throw the book across the room Enough said 3 Descriptions I know I said up there that I got sick of reading about how gorgeous some part of Edward s body was every other paragraph and if that wasn t bad enough what s worse than is the fact that even with all that unnecessary description of him and everyone else though mostly him, since Bella is that shallow I still had a hard time picturing him or any of the characters in my head, for that matter I also had a hard time picturing a lot of the setting and the action in my head as well It s kind of sad really there was so much description, you would think that everything Edward especially would be embedded into my brain, but no That s what makes me wonder why so many fans find Edward so hot , I never got a clear picture of him in my head to even begin to form an opinion about whether he was hot or not.Seriously, Meyer completely abused the dictionary and the thesaurus while writing this book so much so that I think she should never be allowed to look at either one ever again there are so many big descriptive words used that could be replaced by smaller words that look and sound better Half the time the words that she does use doesn t really go with what she s trying to say Simply put Stephenie Meyer is a moron and doesn t know that when writing you are supposed to use the thesaurus sparingly aka only when it is truly needed and not any time you damn well please , it really ruins everything if it s used too much as Meyer has perfectly portrayed with this atrocious book.4 Plot Okay, the plot gets it s own category because it pissed me off so much I mean, seriously where was it It was nothing but sappy, gag worthy fluff between Edward and Bella until page 400 or so, when something finally happened And, even then it went by so fast and was not explained well at all since Bella conveniently fainted during it, which is such a cop out It seemed to me that Meyer just threw it in there, and it was only put there in the first place, so that she could point at it and say, Look, there s a plot right there , when people like me came around and said otherwise But that s not a plot The plot should not take 400 pages to start And no the whole romance between Bella and Edward is not the plot This is especially the case since we knew from the beginning thanks to the moronic give away on the back cover that states that Bella and Edward were going to fall in love speaking of that, who the hell thought it would be a good idea to give away the fact that Edward was a vampire on the back cover I mean really That took away any suspense mystery the book might have had for the reader about what he was so, while Bella was stupidly wondering what he was, I was sitting there yelling at her for being such a moron and not seeing what was right in front of her.5 Plot holes The one thing that drove me absolutely CRAZY was the the fact that no one in the small town of Forks noticed that the Cullens never aged And the children never graduated and went on to college I mean, if they ve been there for than four years, than I m assuming that someone would have noticed I mean, the town could not be full of that many morons Okay I ve been told several times that Cullens have only been living in Forks for about two years I guess all the purple prose distracted me from reading and remembering that little detail Speaking of school, why in the world would they willingly choose to take high school over and over again Especially since they all have several college degrees which leads me to wonder why, since they are so human loving they can t do something useful with their education like Carlisle, instead of sitting on their butts all day and just being useless I know they need to fit in , but seriously that s just stupid they could always pretend that they re home schooled it s not that uncommon these days Since that s how the Cullens fit into society, that means they have to move every four or five years to avoid suspicion, right Wow that must really suck However, they wouldn t have to do that if they didn t put the younger ones in school since if they were in the workforce and being useful to society then they could stay for a lot longer before people started wondering why they don t age But, I think I know why Edward and his siblings tortured themselves day after day by going to high school Stephenie Meyer wasn t creative enough to come up with any other way for Edward and Bella to meet It would have made sense for them to have been neighbors or something I can come up with several nice ideas about how that would have turned out and it would have been much better.I ve been told that there are , but those are the two that really bugged me Though, I love the fans response to the mention of any plot hole the rabid ones, not the sane ones, of course It usually goes like this Well it is a fictional vampire book That s a stupid reason Just because it s a book with vampires doesn t mean it s exempt from having to be realistic and not having glaring plot holes.I ve also been told that there are even in later books, but I m not about to torture myself by reading the rest of the series just to find them and list them I have better things to do with my time like reading books that are actually good and not a waste of my time or money.6 VampiresLike I said before, I m a big vampire fan But, this book is an embarrassment to vampire fiction The vampires are pathetic, sweet, innocent, almost misunderstood creatures I know that Meyer has every right to create her own idea about vampires And, to be honest, I was okay with her idea about vampires until they started sparkling VAMPIRES DON T SPARKLE To have them sparkle takes away the evilness of the myth of the creatures since, they are creatures of the devilat least, originally, they were Evil creatures do not sparkle, the idea s laughable at best Most normal people are not scared of something that sparkles in the sun I mean, I know if I saw someone sparkling I would not immediately think vampire and run Not only because I don t associate sparkling with vampires, but also because how the hell is sparkling evil or scary By the way, the whole sparkling vampire idea just seemed to be there because Meyer wanted a reason as to why the vampires could even walk around in the daylight to begin with The idea was just a convenient way for her to write the vampires Since, she s incapable of coming up with a better, much creative idea I don t mind the fact that they could come out during the day since that s not unheard of in vampire fiction nowadays , but I wish that Meyer had come up with a better idea that didn t make me laugh uncontrollably at the thought All the other myths about vampires are nonexistent Holy water and garlic won t bother them just like the sun , stake through the heart won t kill them either, even beheading them won t get rid of them She made her vampires practically invincible which is annoying The only way to really kill one of her vampires is to rip it apart and burn the pieces or to blow it up Two things that a human would have a hard time doing which, makes me wonder why, if they re so invincible, they live in secrecy Especially since from my knowledge most vampires don t live like the Cullens, they could careless about humans If most other vampires were so cruel, why don t they come out to humanity and take over It makes a lot sense since a mere human would have a very difficult time killing just one vampire The fact that they had no weaknesses annoyed the crap out of me Along with being almost invincible, they all had these special powers , but they didn t have the bad side effects with them, only the good All in all, her vampires were perfect.I don t like my vampires to be blood thirsty monsters that kill everything in sight But, I also don t want them to be so pathetic and innocent either The only two vampiric qualities that are there are the ones that are well known among everyone drinking blood well, sort of since the Cullens are vegetarian vampires an idea that seriously made me laugh and being immortal Otherwise, the Cullens are disgustingly human like.I think the thing I have the problem with the most is the fact that Meyer has never seen any vampire movies t.v shows or read any vampire novels There s this saying in regards to writing Write what you know Stephenie Meyer knew nothing about vampires when she wrote this horrible excuse for a vampire novel which is probably why it was so awful in comparison to other vampire novels, whether those books are in the romance section of the bookstore or the horror sci fi section A good author always does their research whether it s fiction or non fiction is irrelevant This doesn t mean that she needed to go by the other myths, it just means that she should have done a little research to see what she was getting herself into If she had done this, I would have been able to respect her ideas because at least then she would have done her research Where the vampires are concerned, this novel is an embarrassment to vampire supernatural fiction.7 MessagesI am somewhat appalled at the messages that this book sends out they are so anti feminist, it s disgusting 1 It s perfectly okay to have no goals or aspirations or even an education, just get yourself a man and he ll take care of youAll Bella wants is to be with Edward, some aspirations, huh 2 It s also perfectly okay to like someone because of their physical features this is not love people, it s lust They have nothing in common He likes her because she smells nice and she likes him because he s hotBella goes on and on and on about how hot some part of Edward is every other page 3 When you have several guys fawning over you pick the hottest one of them all because looks are so very importantMike and Eric pretty much say the same thing to Bella on her first day of school, but she s nicer to Mike than Eric because the latter wasn t very attractive Also, she picks Edward because of his looks as well 4 It s okay if the guy you love sneaks into your bedroom and watches you sleep at night before you even know him all that well that s completely normal and romantic not the the least bit creepy or stalkerishIt s completely disgusting to hear girls talk about this They swoon and gush about how romantic it is seriously, what is wrong with people these days 5 It is perfectly okay to become completely obsessed with your boyfriend and depend on him for everythingBella s obsession and dependence on Edward sets feminism back a couple hundred years or so 6 It also teaches that not only is it okay to change yourself for a guy, but it s also okay to give up EVERYTHING for him as wellBella wants to become a vampire and leave her family and friends to be with Edward What The Hell 7 Your life is not complete until you find a manThis is nothing but a LIE Girls do not need a man to be complete Like with the plot holes, I ve been told that there are many terrible messages in later books and once again, I m not about to go out and read the books However, I will say this from what I ve heard, they sound worse than the ones I ve already listed.8 The Obsession Well, this gets its own category, mostly because I just don t understand what all the obsession is over it s a book, and a poorly written one at that I run across girls all the time arguing over who Edward belongs to it s pathetic and kind of scary He s a book character he doesn t belong to anyone, but Meyer, since she s the one who created him.I also hate the fact that I can t go into the book store now without being bombarded with a huge display dedicated to this crappy series makes me sick to see such praise and popularity for a mediocre book series when there are so much better authors out there that are virtually ignored since they write real fiction and none of this poorly written wish fulfillment fantasy crap.This was obviously a fulfillment story that I would expect a preteen to write on her livejournal This is not a book I would expect a thirty something year old woman with a college education to write and actually attempt and then succeed in getting published And, it was a degree in English seriously, I would have expected much better from someone who had that degree since she spent college studying books and analyzing them etc you would think that she would know how to write one the proper wayMeyer could have made this book great, but no instead she took the easy way out a cliched, simple, overused plot and added vampires to it as if that made it any different.Honestly, I ve read better over on fictionpress.com and that s really sad, because most of the authors over there are between the ages of 14 and 26 and are amateurs in the field Maybe, if Meyer had posted this up there first, it would have been a much better story because the good writers over there would have set her straight Maybe then, I would have been able to get through the novel, because it might have actually been good And, oh just for the record Twilight is NOT the next Harry Potter, nor is it better than Harry Potter I say that not only because JK Rowling actually has talent, but also because they are in completely different genres and can t really be compared.Though, it does make me sick to see Harry Potter even mentioned in the same sentence as this piece of crap unfortunately, that couldn t be avoided in this review and it s an insult to JK Rowling to have her amazing writing compared to the horrible writing of Stephenie Meyer.EDIT I found this site, and thought I should share with everyone creator of the above site has scanned copies of the Twilight books on to her computer and has taken it upon herself to point out the many issues that the books have these are mostly grammatical in nature If you are a fangirl who believes that Twilight is perfect and has no flaws then you should really take a look at this. Actual rating 1.5 stars Believe it or not, there are actually a few books that are worse than Twilight.Ok, funny story I was sitting on my couch with my husband last night finishing up Twilight I slammed the book shut and began rubbing my temples Then, my husband goes, So you finally finished, huh Yes I can t believe I used to like this book, I said Hahaha Yeah, I remember you were on Twilight s balls hard Yeah, yeah, yeahThere isn t a single book on my shelf that has fluctuated between all ratings besides Twilight No, your eyes do not deceive you I actually have read Twilight 4 times I used to hail from Shelfari.com and the first rating I ever gave Twilight was 5 stars After I made the switch to GoodReads, I decided to give it 4 stars instead So, recently I was browsing my GoodReads shelf I often do that to clean up ratings , I noticed Twilight was sitting pretty at 4 stars and was on my favorites shelf At the time I thought, Wow, that s not accurate at all Maybe it deserves 3 stars But I quickly decided, no, no, noI ll just do a fun little project and re read the series and give them all better ratings If your curious about the details of the project, stop on over here Project Hindsight And hey, if you like what you see, won t you subscribe Yes end shameless self promotion The coolest thing about re reading Twilight is that it has caused me to create really cool new shelves such as Kill me now Idiot heroine This is not literature And my personal favorite Where s my chocolate One of the first things I noticed during this re read was how incredibly boring it was Bella is dull as a doorknob And the first few chapters of the book are essentially a Bitch, Moan, Complain session So, we have Bella moving to Forks, WA because she wants her mother to be happy on that later And she s all like, Ohhhh, I hate this place It s green Ewww, it s wet Fuck my life And what s one of the first things Bella does when she arrives in Forks She cooks Charlie dinner No, I don t have an issue with a female character enjoying cooking, but it is practically thrown in my face that Charlie can t fend for himself Bella has to cook Well, what the hell was he doing before she arrived Oh, ya, did anyone else realize that despite the fact that she says she is not allowed to call Charlie by his first name she almost always calls him Charlie WTF Bella goes to school and during lunch she first cast her eyes on the Cullen family view spoiler hide spoiler It turns out we don t need Dr John Gray to tell us that men are from Transylvania and women are from Venus We just need to read Stephenie Meyer books For example, from this book we learn that the millions of women who have wolfed down the Twilight series pun intended want men who 1 Talk about their feelings Either Meyer s husband is the single most communicative male on the planet and she doesn t realize how unusual he is, or she, like most of her female readers, is using her fiction to imagine a world where men not only have deep emotions but want to admit to having them and talk about them over and over, articulating even the most subtle of their internal dramas 2 Make them flutter But just being a sensitive new age kind of guy doesn t cut it A man has to be hard bodied, chiseled, dashing, and have eyes that pierce the soul, if not the skin even as they never look at your chest This book suggests that a real man makes you constantly stumble over your words, bite your lip to refrain from exclaiming adulations, and lose yourself in the sweet smell of his breath 3 Are fiercely devoted That a girl of no spectacular beauty, who lacks any trace of conversation skills whose only virtue is that she smells really yummy can inspire an immortal creature of godlike power and grace to alter his entire existence to serve and protect her, watching over her by night on that in 4 This is a woman s ultimate fantasy to have the perfect man, perfectly devoted, for no good reason at all.4 Want them so bad that they won t take them This, alas, is the most transparent aspect of this book s appeal It speaks volumes about the differences between men and women to have so many women toss their bodice ripping romances aside in order to read how a feral man with otherworldly physical desires can contain his passion and lust out of his pure and perfect love for his beloved It says that women really do wish they could have it both ways, to be an object of lust and devotion at once, to fulfill a man s desire without actually slaking his thirst for her To have a man watch you sleep and not want to have even a little peek under the covers now that s hot fantasy for today s woman who is otherwise told on a regular basis that to be her best self she has to enage in casual and risky sexual behavior To see just what an indulgent fantasy this book is, just imagine the male centric version of Twilight, in which a troubled teen boy moves to a small town to find the hottest girl in town is a vampiress Such a book would be about 100 pages long all the unnecessary internal dialogue would be removed No one would talk except to comment on the awesome size of, um, one s videogame library The vampiress would be simple relatively dumb, incredibly hot, wearing almost nothing, and with no expectations of her man but drawn to him only by the smell of his gym bag She wouldn t hold herself back from trying to bite her intended, but would get so distracted with his bedroom technique that she would never get around to it We would laugh at such a book in fact, we know it would never be a book since men don t read it would be a movie, and it would be a smash summer hit called American Vam Pie er, I ll start the screenplay right away Somehow, when this story is told in a similarly indulgent female centric vein, we don t reject it, but sympathize with it I believe this is because women get to indulge in their fantasies so rarely outside of Jane Austen novels while men are surrounded with theirs So far I have yet see spam email inviting one to read hot things devoted husbands would say to their wives or see pictures of hunks promising not to get nasty out of respect for their women or buy this purple pill so you can stay up late and share your feelings seven times in one night So hats off to Stephenie Meyer for figuring out what it is that women really want and giving it to them.